


겨울

by taeminki



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-10-31 13:36:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10900437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeminki/pseuds/taeminki
Summary: can lack of sunlight cause depression?





	1. Goodbye, Winter

**Author's Note:**

> ♪ goodbye winter -day6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _g o t t a; l e t; g o_

Sungjin came to the park to be alone. He sat himself on an abandoned bench and tucked his hands in his pockets; and he closed his eyes, and he listened to the silence that loneliness often held hands with. His throat tightened at the image-- the beautiful image of loneliness and silence hand-in-hand. Strange, Sungjin thought, that even loneliness had someone to hold. Strange, Sungjin thought, that he would find himself envying loneliness so much.

Sungjin wasn't just lonely. He wasn't just alone. He wasn't just desolate. He was so much more. He _was_  lonely and alone; and he _was_  desolate and afraid; but he was hurt and exhausted. He was pining for someone he couldn't earn back. He was missing someone; his heart ached for someone. His arms wished that person back into their hold. The entirety of his being missed and wanted Kim Wonpil.

Their relationship had lasted four years and come to an end the previous winter. Winter was depressing and lonely enough as it was, the cold and the snow making it difficult to enjoy much that had to do with outdoors. Now, winter was also a bitter reminder of what Sungjin had lost-- what he had earned and then lost. The man that he had been so in love with slipped right through his frozen fingers, left him to cry and try to peel the frozen sadness from his cheeks. Kim Wonpil had bigger plans; Kim Wonpil left Park Sungjin behind.

Sungjin felt as though he'd done something. Why would Wonpil leave him otherwise? Things had been going so good. Wonpil had so many opportunities. He'd seemed so happy until winter came; the depression of the cold season fell over them both and suddenly they were broken apart-- like the cold had frozen them together and the wind pushed them over, shattered them to pieces. Something had gone horribly wrong; Sungjin had sent the wind into action, and he had no idea how he'd done it.

He tried to call, sometimes. Wonpil would never pick up-- and there was another hint, another reason Sungjin refused to believe Wonpil had simply found a better place to study, live his life. Wonpil _loved_  Sungjin. He would never just leave him behind; he wouldn't distance their relationship over nothing. He wouldn't cut Sungjin off. Sungjin had always been there for him. Wonpil had always been there for Sungjin. There was something more; there was something deeper. There was _something_. Sungjin just wished he had a way to understand it.

In the meantime, Sungjin tried to move on. It was unhealthy for him and Wonpil both to brood so much. It hurt, but he could move on. He cried every day, but he would eventually let go. The winter would turn to spring; and Sungjin's feelings would blossom into optimism. He would surround himself with friends and work; he would live on. He could do it, as much as he thought he may not be able to. Kim Wonpil had been the center of his universe for as long as Sungjin chose to remember, but it wasn't completely impossible to build a new core.

  
Sungjin set about doing so in a way that wasn't so wise; he went to every place that he and Wonpil used to go and tried to tell himself he didn't miss each of the places when he left. He supposed he truly didn't, but he did miss the company. He missed the warmth in his palm caused by another hand. He missed the music that Wonpil's laughter brought. It wasn't the same, walking down the street with headphones and mittens. Nothing was the same.

Sungjin found pity in everyone's eyes. Everyone in their town with a normal routine knew Wonpil and Sungjin. They knew the two of them in the coffee shop, or on the sidewalk, or in the park. They knew the two of them kissing and laughing and holding hands. It must have been odd for them to see Sungjin alone. Sungjin knew they wanted to ask, and most of them came close, but Sungjin would shut down. He would turn up his music; he would respond with a smile. He wouldn't say a word of Wonpil's leaving him. He wouldn't say a word about the end of their relationship. He had no desire to talk about it; all he wanted to do was move on.

But Sungjin walked the same old path every single day. He repeated the same routine every single day. What a strange way to move on he thought. What an impossible way to move on, moving in the same direction every passing day.

(Sungjin began wondering if he really, truly wanted to move on.)


	2. Hello, Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _n e v e r; l e t; g o_

" _Wonpil?_ " Sungjin wondered, amazement in his voice. Wonpil looked a little different; his hair was a new maroon color, and he had filled out. He had a glow to him that Sungjin had never seen before. His eyes, however, made Sungjin believe he hadn't moved on. The way he looked up-- the width of his eyes and the curiosity, the disbelief in them. He spotted Sungjin, and he stared for a moment, those eyes never faltering.

Sungjin wasn't sure what he expected. He hadn't seen Wonpil in so long; he didn't think he expected anything from that moment. He didn't know what to assume; he didn't know what kind of reaction he was going to receive. Still, surprise took him by the palm when Wonpil smiled-- a soft, careful smile and a gentle wave of hand. Sungjin didn't know what to do other than to wave back-- numb and lacking any expression other than surprise. It hurt a bit when Wonpil turned away, when he went back to his phone and back to his wait as he followed along the line to get his coffee. Sungjin meant to leave, but he couldn't move. He wanted to stick around. He wanted to talk to Wonpil. He wanted to wrap his arms around the man and kiss him until he couldn't breathe. He had all these desires, and yet he doubted if he could have any single one of them.

He made his move when Wonpil had gotten his coffee and made to leave the store. Sungjin rushed over to the exit and held the door for him. Wonpil was _still_  looking down at his phone, and he barely glanced up as he smiled, told Sungjin "Thank you--" and then he did a double take, and he looked at Sungjin in careful shock, "Hyung. You're still here."

"Y-yeah. I'm still here." Sungjin said. Wonpil nodded; and the two just stood there for a moment, awkward. The coffee shop's door was swinging shut, and the winter air was blowing through their silence. Wonpil was the first to speak, some awkward moments later, "Have you always been here?"

The question had a much deeper meaning than the coffee shop; that much was obvious. Sungjin felt like there was something more, though, than _Did you stay here when I left?_ , which Sungjin could only assume was what Wonpil was trying to ask. So, Sungjin was left unsure of how to answer. He stuttered over a response for a few seconds, and then he blurted, "I never left."

Wonpil nodded, peeking at the ground for a moment. Sungjin couldn't help the rush of emotion that came next-- the reach of his arms for Wonpil's touch, the crack in his voice as he asked, "Why did you leave, Wonpil? What happened?"

"Actually, that's a long story." Wonpil's answer was immediate; and Sungjin knew he wanted to hear the rest of it. He hoped Wonpil would begin to tell it; he hoped the typical -- _and I can't tell you_ , or some rendition of the words, would not follow the statement. He waited, anxious, as Wonpil pulled out his phone to take a glance at something; and then his pretty eyes traveled up, and he was looking at Sungjin with some expression on his face-- something soft but not quite happy. He gestured down the street, "Take a walk with me?"

Sungjin had no hesitation about following Wonpil. He scrambled into a steady stride like a puppy following its owner. Sungjin was almost ashamed of how desperate he was, following Wonpil's heels like they would lead him straight into paradise. He meant to be a man, not a puppy dog, but how ashamed could he be, when he had fallen so deeply in love? Could he truly be upset at himself for finding a love so strong, even if it chipped his pride? Better it be love than anything else.

"There was a reason you never met my parents, hyung." Wonpil started about two minutes after their walk had begun. Sungjin knew where they were heading. He had walked this path many times before-- wake up, get coffee together, go to the park, talk. It was how their mornings worked. They both began work early in the afternoon; they were able to wake up and eat breakfast together, have a little date as the sun rose higher in the sky. It was paradise, and Wonpil was leading him there.

"They disapproved of my sexuality-- I'm sure I've told you at least part of the story." Wonpil said. It was strange that he wouldn't remember, but that was explained as he continued, "I tell random parts to random friends when I'm emotional. With you-- I don't know. I know I've cried with you before, but I don't know if I ever told you. Do you know, hyung?"

Sungjin nodded numbly. Wonpil had glanced back at him as he searched for an answer, and he mirrored the response as he looked forward. He sighed softly; his steps became slower, and Sungjin was preparing himself for more of the horrible, unaccepting part, but Wonpil didn't tell it. Instead, he told of the present, "My parents still don't approve of me being gay, you know. I-I tried to tell them about you, and they freaked out-- told me they didn't want me as a son anymore if I was going to love another man, told me I was sick and twisted...."

Wonpil stopped walking. They were three blocks from the park, and he stopped. Sungjin stopped, too, one step later. That put him and Wonpil quite close-- close enough that when Wonpil turned, he took a step back-- close enough that Sungjin could feel his breath for a second-- close enough that Sungjin could see the thin film of tears over Wonpil's eyes before he wiped them away, told Sungjin "I just had to get away from you-- just for some time. I-I was ashamed of myself for a minute-- the fact that I loved you and betrayed my parents... but being away from you made me realize that I was wrong. _They_  were wrong. It doesn't matter who I love-- as long as... as long as... as long as it's _you_."

Wonpil sniffled; Sungjin found himself wanting to cry too. He wondered-- did this mean Wonpil still loved him? Did this mean Wonpil would come back? Did Sungjin even _want_ that anymore?

"That's why I came back, actually... to see if you were still here... if you waited for me, or-- or if you moved on in a stationary spot." Wonpil said. Sungjin's last question to himself was suddenly a joke-- as if he would have moved on. Winter wasn't even over yet. Sungjin gulped-- gulped against the crack in his voice that wanted to come out. He spoke smoothly, "I tried to move on, but no one can move if they're stationary."

Wonpil smiled a little bit-- smiled and sparkled, in terms of teeth and eyes. Sungjin smiled back, with a little less sparkle. He still had a taste of doubt and fear as he wondered if Wonpil was going to come back to him, if he had managed to move on. But then Wonpil spoke, "I really hope we can start again, hyung-- or resume, if you're okay with that. It's not fair that I left, or that I came back expecting-- hoping, at least-- that you would take me right back, but... I've missed you.

"I've missed laying in your arms. I've missed talking to you every day. There was times I almost called you, or almost picked up-- just to talk to you, to ask you how you were doing. It was hard to stay away, but I felt like I had to. My parents--" Wonpil sighed again; he closed his eyes for a second and then he spoke again, "--aren't an excuse. It was all me-- I'm sorry, but I love you."

"I love you, too." Sungjin admitted quietly. Wonpil looked at him-- up from the snow and into Sungjin's eyes. From white to dark, the sight was no less beautiful. Sungjin gave Wonpil a smile-- pained and a little betrayed, but understanding and accepting; and Wonpil had never seen so much acceptance in his life. He fell straight into Sungjin's arms when they opened for the man; he buried his tears in Sungjin's shoulder and held him tight, "I'm sorry, hyung. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Wonpil, it's okay." Sungjin said. He rubbed Wonpil's back; he _held_  Wonpil, and it felt like magic to do so. He had craved this; he had missed this. He never wanted to let go of the warmth again, but he did for just a moment-- to look into Wonpil's eyes and tell him "We'll work this out, okay? Your parents, your self-acceptance-- everything will be okay. I'm here for you. I love you."

"I love you." Wonpil told him right away, and the he nodded along to the rest of Sungjin's statement. Again, Sungjin pulled him in, and he didn't let go this time. Wonpil's coffee became cold in his hand; the two were starting to freeze together, but they were in a better position this time. If the wind knocked them over, they weren't going to shatter.

They were going to be okay.


End file.
